You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
