The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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