sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
