The maid of honor just puked.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
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I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
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You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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