I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
