Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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