Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
