Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
