you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
