So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
