And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
