I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
