I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
