I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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