Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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