Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
