I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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