i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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