what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
