I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize