Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
