You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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