I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
