i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
