dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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