I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
