drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
