that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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