Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
