I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
