maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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