I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
