Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
this must be what syphilis tastes like
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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