She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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