then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
