we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
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He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
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Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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