Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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