apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
someone owes me an orgasm
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
