Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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