Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
