i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
