Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So vagazzling was a success
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
