I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
