Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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