1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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