Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
