the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
