Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
