Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
