The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
