We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
