I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
