Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
