first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
