I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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