I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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