So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
