I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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