I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
