I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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