So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
