Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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