someone get that fucking seahorse.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
