So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
