i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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