god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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