the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Your cock deserves a montage
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
