whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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