I'm jealous of your bromance
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wish you could order shots online.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
