I have demons in me.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
