Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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