I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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