you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
